Post Christmas Chores

Did you have to return a gift this year?  I hope you weren't in line behind this fictitious irate customer.

She screeched loudly, and with no abeyance
She asked for help from the saints
I never heard such a fuss
I tell you she was
About two hundred pounds of complaints.

So if a gift didn't quite suit you, I hope you appreciate the spirit in which it was given.

Some gifts you'd prefer to decline
Just remember the giver was tryin'
So tolerate misgiving
Be kind and forgiving
As with limericks posted on-line.

Happy New Year to all.

Are You Ready for Season Five?

I don't feel like rewatching four seasons of Downton Abbey, but there is so much I have forgotten.


I know Matthew and Sybil have died,
Lady Edith has a baby to hide,
But I couldn't name half
Of the family and staff,
I need Downton Abbey, the Idiot's Guide.

Will season five just be an extended audition for Lady Mary's future husband?

Will Mary keep on playing the field?
Will the Ice Princess finally yield?
Is she still in denial
Of the season three final?
Is her blue blood fully congealed?

Life in the Espresso Lane

We live a long way from the national brand coffee houses, and I found I had a lot to learn.

I asked for a small caffe latte

I then heard the barista say

"See the chart on the wall?

We don't have a small,

Want a tall, or a venti or a grande?

So, with some confusion I read the wall chart.

The largest of all is the venti

In fluid ounces this gets you twenty

The Grande's sixteen

With the same dose of caffeine

And the Tall is the shortest of three.

I decided on a "Tall" and started to relax.

I still had more choosing to do

I had several milk options too

There is dairy or soy

And I thought oh boy

I need caffeine to think this all through.

Miscellany and Santa


Is the Patriot Act a threat to gift giving?

The prospect is too dire to dismiss 
The NSA could destroy Christmas 
If they find a way to
Hack Santa's data
They might decipher his list.

No matter what you believe, I wish you all the best.

The gifts all arrived Christmas Eve. 
The logistics are hard to conceive 
Is he real - Santa C.
Or just fantasy?
You believe what you want to believe. 

Our Government and Santa

Santa isn't just way ahead of parents and kids, he's got government scientists baffled too.

The Air Force is seeking a way

To reverse engineer Santa’s sleigh

The fat man in the red suit

Eludes their pursuit -

He’s a blank on their radar display.

But it's good to know that he leaves no environmental impact either.

He freely invades US airspace

And departs without leaving a trace

In an ancient machine

(environmentally clean), 

Santa’s leading the technology race.

Science and Santa

Global warming scares children because

Of the harm caused by polar ice thaws

Since every child knows

That polar ice flows

Are the home of the elves and Santa Claus.

As adults we often don't understand things that are very easy for a child to see.

Quantum physics is abstract and dense

Too arcane for adults and parents

But children understand

It's how Santa Claus can

Simultaneously attend many events.

Where is Justice?

I have hesitated to write about all of this, but it keeps haunting me.

Police claim to serve and protect

But that's not what many can expect

Killing twelve year old boys

Just playing with toys

Donning riot gear when people object.

The grand jury failed to appease

Ferguson's distrust and unease

When peaceful protest

Becomes civil 'unrest'

It's a symptom, it's not the disease.

Just what does excessive force mean?

What evidence needs to be seen?

Is justice a joke?

That illegal choke

Was visible right there on the screen.

Corporate Personhood - Again

If a corporation can be construed
As a person, I don't mean to be crude
But corporate inception
Means immaculate conception
If not, then someone got screwed.

Social Skills

When I was young I always felt that the only way I learned social skills was by thoroughly embarrassing myself.  There were rules, and I was the only one ignorant of them.

So often I felt like a fool

Unaware of some pertinent rule

Other kids had the rule book

And knew where to look;

I was absent when they taught that at school.

And now that hard won social awareness still needs work.

I’m no good at infighting tactics 

So I hate petty office politics

Because I find them hard 

They catch me off guard,

Those sneaky get ahead kind of tricks.

Season’s Greetings

As the winter solstice draws near

Days shorten in this hemisphere

Yet retailers’ antics

Subvert astral mechanics,

Black Friday grows longer each year.

Most faiths have a December holiday

And their followers all find a way

To do what is done

To support their religion,

Have you done your shopping today?

 I Stand Corrected

It seems I owe you an apology.  Strictly speaking I may not always post limericks.  I sent my Thanksgiving post to an acquaintance whose e mail is Prof**** and received a lesson about limericks in reply.

The professor was so unimpressed

About syllables stressed and unstressed

I had iambed to excess

And I put in less

Than the requisite quota of anapest.

And I quote, “Limericks seem easy but are trickier than they look. They require rigorous adherence to their metrical scheme (two lines of three anapests [^^- ^^- ^^-], two lines of two anapests, and a final line of three anapests) though an iamb [^-] can be substituted for the first anapest in each line.”

So, please accept my apology.  As you can see, I have substituted an I am to start most of the lines.

I am totally humbled, embarrassed

I am sure it is time I confessed

I am sloppy at best

About stressed and unstressed,

I am unschooled in iamb and anapest.