Happy New Year

In my experience New Year's resolutions are worth about as much as the paper they were printed on, and considerably less than the champagne they were based on.  Maybe you are different.

This week you're all resolute

On the changes that you'll execute

A month will go by

And you won't even try

Two months and you won't give a hoot.

Failing to keep a minor resolution might make you feel bad, but if it's a real stretch, you knew it was too much.

Keeping resolutions is tough

Good intentions alone aren't enough

If you're gonna break

The resolutions you make 

Resolve some really big stuff.

A Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year to All.

The Secret Side of Santa

Last year I marveled at Santa's ability to stay off the radar and deliver all those presents.  This year after listening to Republican candidates talk about security, I started to worry.

There’s a security risk we've neglected
Santa enters our land undetected
Then freely roams
Through thousands of homes
With boxes that are left uninspected.

He crosses borders without documents
He’s in malls and at major events
He’s disguised with a beard
His clothing is weird
Unseen by Central Intelligence

 And  the business savvy realize Santa's business could be better.

Santa could build on his brand
For his skills there is pent up demand
In spring, summer, fall
But he's 'Christmas, that's all'
Tax breaks could help him expand

Politics and Christmas

During the campaign season politicians are more generous than Santa, despite their bombast, vitriol and intolerance.

They make promises they can never fulfill

They know a way, they have the will

To do miraculous deeds

And meet all you needs

And never increase your tax bill.

But one, Donald Trump, has promised that everyone should celebrate Christmas, no matter what their religion, except Muslims of course, and Mexicans, and Losers.

This season many kids start to fear

That Santa Claus may never appear

They like Trump because he

Says he can guarantee

That Santa will show up each year.

Peace and goodwill to everyone.  For me the Solstice is the most significant event, in just a couple more days the days will be getting longer.

Excuse? or Lifestyle Choice

Why do I put off things I think I want to do?

In theory the idea sounds great

In reality problems accumulate

When things become real

They are less than ideal

To preserve perfection, Procrastinate!

I wanted to get this done a couple of months ago, and couple of others to go along with it, but …

www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2eiYTvSizg

Stereotypes

For members of my High School class an insurance ad featuring Peter Pan prompted some comments from the women about cute, but ultimately undesirable, Peter Pan types.

He was always a boy, Peter Pan

Women hoped he would grow to a man

He seemed cute to them, first

But their opinion reversed

When he refused to mature per their plan.

A subsequent discussion somehow morphed into a story (carried on by the men) of how jealousy over a beautiful woman was the cause of many of society’s problems.

And then there was Helen of Troy

For her love men set out to destroy.

Did all that emotion

The love and devotion

Bring the beautiful Helen any joy?

Are these people anyone we know?

How? Why? and What are His Supporters Thinking?

Donald Trump says how great he will make this country, but doesn’t explain how.

When asked, the Donald dismisses

Details of his grandiose promises

The detail he’ll state

Is that Donald is great,

Sounds a bit to me like Narcissus.

So, why is he running?  It’s all about proving he’s the ultimate Winner.  Forget the Losers.

He’s a bully who belittles and taunts

With a bigoted view that he flaunts

By broadcasting his rants

The media grants

Donald Trump the publicity he wants.

Happy Thanksgiving

Call it dressing or stuffing, it tastes best when it’s cooked inside the turkey.

How much are you able to shove in

A turkey?  Can you get enough in

The bird’s cavity

For two helpings or three

So your guests make a verb out of stuffin'?

Harvest celebrations are ancient.  Thanksgiving became a national holiday by a declaration of Abraham Lincoln.  And before that?

Did the Natives sit down with the Pilgrims

To say grace, share food, and sing hymns?

It was so long ago,

That we’ll never know

But mythology grows as truth dims.

Quality, Quantity or Connections?

Last week the NY Times ran a story about some young poets who posted their poetry on line and had become very popular and sold more books than some highly regarded ‘print only’ poets.

On the web these poets found glory

The Times just published their story

They’ve achieved fame

I’ve been trying the same

But I’m deep in obscure territory.

Is their poetry better, did they write more of it, did they pick a better on line forum, or did they find an influential person to promote their work?  Any, or all of those are possible.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/08/business/media/web-poets-society-new-breed-succeeds-in-taking-verse-viral.html

So, who is Khloe Kardashian?

Why is she an arbiter of fashion?

She’s someone you see

If you turn on TV

When the network has something that’s trashy on.

Sunday Mourning

It’s not just the horror in Paris, it’s Nairobi, Beirut, Baghdad, Syria ….  

The Bible says “thou shalt not kill”

But people say “Oh yes we will”

Mankind has warred

And claimed that their Lord

Has a Mission that they must fulfill.

It’s Time to Pierce the Corporate Veil

Remember when all those ‘scientists’ working for big tobacco companies denied the link between smoking and lung cancer?  What part of deja vu don’t you understand?

Exxon scientists, we hear, will admit

CO2 is affecting our climate

They concocted a story

(It’s Obfuscatory)

Claiming that link illegit.

Meanwhile engineers at VW were thinking ‘outside the box’, well really, inside the little black box computer, which they taught how to cheat on emissions tests.

Their diesel emissions were high

They had one last idea to try

A simple solution

Ignore the pollution

And teach the computer to lie.

Drag and Drop

I misheard an ad Tuesday night

It scared me but gave me insight

My misinterpretation

Inspired imagination

And explains why we see Northern Lights.

The ad boasted of its drag 'n drop convenience, but I know they meant Dragon Drop...

They touted their drag ’n drop software

Which gave me a bone chilling scare

One simple keystroke

And the sky fills with smoke

And attack dragons fall through the air!

All That … and an Extra Hour Tonight

Halloween, or All Hallows Eve

When fertile imaginations believe

That the division’s elastic

‘Twixt real and fantastic

And who knows what else they conceive?

I hope you enjoy Halloween

When covens of witches convene

A night when I hear it’s

Likely that spirits

And Ghoulies and Ghosties are seen.

Compare and Contrast

I was thinking about those high school reunions again and how much or little some people had changed.

I was so young way back when

Did it show that I’ve grown up since then?

Did I seem mature

Or just insecure

Awkward and shy once again?

A classmate once told me that you could always tell when I was being nasty, because I had a big smile on my face.  Another classmate said I had the best smile in the 9th grade.

I was quiet and often tongue tied

With insecurities I struggled to hide

I had very thin skin

And lashed out with a grin

And my critical sarcastic side.

Speaker of the House

Due to criticism from the far right wing of his party, Speaker Boehner felt he couldn’t get anything done, so he quit.  I never thought that I would regret his resignation, but I may find his replacement even worse.

His position got weaker and weaker

So he gave up his position as Speaker

He got a budget bill passed

Which may be the last

The prospect without him seems bleaker.

As an intellectual leader of the Party of No, at first Paul Ryan said no, no and no.  Now he is saying maybe.

The futility made Boehner resign

Some mystery made McCarthy decline

The Tea Party’s tryin’

To pressure Paul Ryan

To step up to, AND toe the line.

Whoever takes the job is going to have to deal with the ‘we were elected to do nothing except expand defense and our perks, and to starve the rest of the evil government.’ crowd.  

The infighting gave John Boehner scabs

His hot seat is now up for grabs

What he’s leaving behind

His successor will find

Is  - the Tea Party’s a pain in the abs.

The Elephant in the Room

I’ve been ignoring him.  Yes, that one with the 6 or 7 assorted handguns and assault rifles (he left his others at home) and the extra ammo, and the memory of slights and insults.  He fades into the background for a couple of months at a time.  Yeah, that one.

The Gun Lobby and Logic are estranged

Nothing’s new, Nothing’s done, Nothing’s changed

He fires round after round

Leaving dead on the ground

‘It’s not the Gun, It’s the Man, he’s deranged.’

The second amendment has only recently come to mean almost any weapon, almost anywhere carried by almost anybody.  You need a hunting license to hunt game, and that’s a short season, but you can walk into a crowded building any time and people stay ‘stuff happens’ and more restrictions aren’t the solution.  

The Second Amendment’s a mess

Its repeal is probably useless

Gun lovers will cite

A ‘Constitutional Right’ -

They ‘need’ guns to pursue happiness.

Red Ink to Red Votes

In Alabama you need a picture ID to vote, and most people use a driver's license.  To save money Alabama closed a number of DMV offices.  Guess where?

The counties where DMVs were shut
Are mostly African-American, but
Alabama will say
It was the best way
To deal with a steep budget cut. 

I think more people buy guns illegally than vote illegally.  Both gun ownership and voting are constitutionally protected, and yet...

Was it politically and racially motivated?
The counties are minority populated
The Supreme Court has said
Discrimination is dead
So the voting rights act is emasculated. 

Remembering the Reunion

Who are these people?

I recognized the ones I knew best

I was happy to see all the rest

But some of the faces

The stories and places

Really put my memory to the test.

Here's my number, give me a call.

It ended out on the ball field

With more pictures and stories revealed

Addresses exchanged

Vague plans arranged

Solemn pacts to keep in touch were sealed.

Francis Speaks, Who is Listening?

Pope Francis is visiting the U.S. this week, eating lunch with the homeless rather than with members of Congress, and knocking Trumpty-Dumpty off  the wall....

A humble man of the people, this Pope

He is giving so many such hope

That the Vatican might find

Through his open mind

A way to soften and broaden its scope.

John Boehner ( soon to be former Speaker ) invited the Pope to speak before Congress, as what?

a). Head of State, normally invited by Presidents only

b). Head of a Church, muddying the separation of Church and State

c). Conservative advocate, only to realize that as much as Boehner might like the sex and sanctity bit, he disagrees with Francis's uninfluenced by lobbyists views on immigration, capitalist greed, tolerance and environmental degradation...

Their faith in the Church is still strong

Yet they find that they can't go along

Because he places reliance 

On empathy and science

So this Pope must be totally wrong.

One Down, One to Go

I just attended the first of two high school reunions ( explanation available by request ), and it set the bar high for the second in two weeks.

In praise of the organizing committee

Plan a reunion? No prob!

Organize this feline like mob?

They said it was fun

And still got the work done

A fan-( insert your own emphasis here )-ing-tastic great job! 

I know that the planners really tried

To make sure we were all satisfied

They did all they could

Which was very good

But we missed all the classmates who've died.

G.O.P. Campaign in a Nutshell

The generic candidate’s speech is…

We’re gonna take our country back

We’re gonna be safe from attack

The economy will soar

No climate change anymore

And we’ll substitute fiction for fact.

... and the leader is …

Trump’s on the stump every day

Crowds love what he has to say

His appeal is amazing

And somewhat hair-raising

If he wins there will be hell toupee.

What Would You Do?

If you were awakened at 4:00 AM by an intruder?

We had an unarmed intruder last night

He startled me and gave me a fright

But I grabbed a trash can

To fight like a man

The squirrel ran, but he put up no fight.

Seriously it was a squirrel, but I was expecting a mouse.  The ‘extraction’ was successful.

Would it be different if I had a gun?

In that case what would I have done?

Would I have fired at will

In an effort to kill

A little creature who just wanted to run?

Back to School

An upcoming High School reunion is bringing back some old memories.  Here are some comments on teachers I appreciated more after I graduated.  Both were tough, but they did teach.

French teacher Mme. Girard - I was in her class for French 2 through 4

Year one she wielded a battle axe

Was a stickler for accent and syntax

When we got to year four

The class wasn’t big anymore

And Mme. Girard could begin to relax.

Chemistry teacher Dorothy Smith - I took 2 years of Chemistry from her.

A few students had real trouble with

Their Chemistry teacher Ms. Smith

When she realized

They had plagiarized

Her toughness wasn’t only a myth.

But remember what Simone Signoret called her autobiography 

Nostalgia Isn't What It used to Be

Maximization

Maxims, adages, aphorisms, axioms mantras and dictums are all supposed to contain distilled wisdom.

Look before you leap - but - he who hesitates is lost.

There’s an aphorism for every occasion

Covering all sides of each situation

Can’t make up your mind?

Seek advice and you’ll find

A maxim that gives aphormation.

You get what you pay for - yet - the best things in life are free.

A late arrival is better than none

But time and the tide wait for no one

Time creeps day to day

In its slow petty way

And flies by if you’re having fun.

Clueless in Class

And they thought I was pretty smart.

For their President my classmates chose me

And other officers who were charming and pretty

And I was too dumb

To ask them to come

To discuss class affairs privately.

After 10th grade the boys could get out of ROTC if they joined another before school program.  The only option I remember was chorus.  It was inside, the director was young and pretty and I learned to sing. 

In 10th grade ROTC was required

In 11th many boys joined the choir

The attraction for us?

There were girls in the chorus

And Mrs. Mastros who got us inspired.

Only Five Months ‘til the NH Primary

If Fox News is unavailable in your broadcast area and you don’t have cable was there a debate?  All I heard was that Trump talked more than anyone else.  That’s news?

He’s an acid tongued disgruntled grump

Spewing a stream of consciousness dump

As a multi-billionaire

Why would he care

To change a system that’s been good to *!! TRUMP !!*

Remember back in 2000 when the Supreme Court elected a dumbed down, from the hip shooting, plain talking, misspeaking, folksy, Ivy League educated, logic defying, intelligence denying ‘decider’?

Is his lead in the polls a bubble, a

Blip, is it something to trouble ya?

Is he destined to fall?

If you recall

We misunderestimated Dubbya.

They're Off and Running

Oh what’s that cacophonous sound?

The Circus is coming to town!

With old acts and new ones

Praising God, packing guns

With Trump the orange haired clown.

Tonight 14 of the declared Republican candidates will meet in NH for a pre-debate forum to be broadcast on C Span.  Only 10 will make the cut for Thursday's Fox 'News' debate.

Their tongues sharp and their tempers fraying

Who’s got what you need to stay in

And finish the fight

Trump is  absent tonight

Though Christie decided to weigh in.

They’re pumped and chomping the bit

They’re spewign some venomous shit

With reporters in thrall

Counting hit, flip and fall

Then we’ll get a load of their crit.

One Upsmanship

Do you know any people like this?

When he asks for your thoughts you’d expect

Him to give what you say some respect

But he tries to sound

Like the smartest around

And dismisses all ideas you conject.

 I think I used to be one, and if I’ve really kicked the habit that makes me far superior to those who need to think they are the smartest in the room.  Even knowing all that, people like this are hard to live with, or work for.

He’ll find fault, that I will guarantee

A problem I failed to foresee

The flaw might be small

And not a problem at all

But it lets him feel smarter than me.

Yes Ms. Doty I know it should be smarter than I, but...

Where Does My Summer Go?

After 9 months of underuse, houses in Maine fill up in summer with family and friends.  It’s not all fun and laughter,

The food bill is greatly increased

The wine bill is doubled at least

You may wait an hour

For bathroom and shower

And some guests just cannot be pleased.

but summer passes (too) quickly.

From the start until summer’s close

The house fills and then overflows

Despite extra stress

Of dozens of guests

I’ll be sad when the last of them goes.

Where Did My Files Go?

I turned my computer on and

Access to most files was banned

One e mail was open

It was a note hopin’

I’d give in to their ransom demand.

Yep! The crypto virus V3.0.  Only issued a couple of months ago.

They used Windows (which I ran on my Mac)

To mount their cyber attack

They wanted 700 from me

For a decryption key

That might let me get my files back.

Where Did the Weekend Go?

I rarely throw good stuff away

Where I put it, I can’t always say

The hours that I waste 

Looking for things I’ve misplaced

HAS ANYONE seen MY SATURDAY?

Drachma Drama

The Greek economy needs a boost, but European lenders are calling for stricter austerity.  Strong economic growth is not a by product of austerity during a recession or depression.

Their default left the IMF stunned
(That's the International Monetary Fund)
Austerity hawks don't get
That it's hard to repay debt
When the economy is basically moribund.

The Greeks may owe a lot of Euros, but think about what we and the rest of Europe owe Greece.

Ancient Greeks invented democracy
Modern Europe uses this legacy
Had the Greeks had the foresight
And registered a copyright
They could live off the licensing fee.

Supreme Surprise

This week the Supreme Court ruled that marriage is a right available to all people, and decided not to derail ObamaCare because of one poorly proofread sentence.  The vote was 6-3 and in his opinion Justice Roberts used an argument that Justice Scalia had used against the law in their previous opinion. 

The Court gave the law it’s assent

Scalia, of course, had to vent

It was a brilliant idea 

To use the words of Scalia

In the opinion o’erriding his dissent.

So has this become a liberal court?  Remember Citizens United, the Voting Rights Law,  the Ledbetter Case, and

This still doesn’t even the score

The Judges will have to do more

If they expect

To regain the respect

They lost in Bush vs. Gore.

Politics and Strange Bedfellows

I always thought the expression was figurative, but frequent scandals say otherwise.

Strange bedfellows make politics work

We’ve elected many a jerk

Who choose to ignore

That it’s a metaphor

And think bedfellows are merely a perk.

Republicans have often maintained that you can’t solve a problem by throwing money at it.  Yet when one formerly prominent Republican found himself in trouble for earlier indiscretions, what did he do?  He threw money at he problem, by paying the blackmail.  Did that fix the problem?  No!

Strange bedfellows make strained politics

So culprits try hiding their antics

When someone got dirt

On ex Speaker Hastert

It was a problem that cash couldn’t fix.

My Origins

In this TMI era people reveal all sorts of embarrassing particulars; here in intimate detail is my story.

I’m the product of two mathematicians

Proof that under certain conditions

Two cells add to make one

Then compound the conundrum

By multiplying exponentially through divisions.

Cells divide and start to differentiate

As they multiply they also integrate

X and Y can be found

But probabilities abound

With randomness too complex to calculate.

Once He Was a Senator

Defeated in his home state primary when he ran for reelection. 

The announcement by Richard Santorum

Gives the G.O.P. more than a quorum

But the TV debates

Take just ten candidates

If his polls don’t improve they’ll ignore ‘im.

Santorum is seeking a niche

But his platform may have a glitch.

Can he help the middle class

While clinging fast

To cutting taxes for the rich.

 Summer is Icumen In

July 4th we have guests arriving and the last ones leave in the middle of August. We can’t persuade anyone to come visit during the rest of the year.  Summertime, and the livin' is busy.

Maine is quiet nine months of the year

Then the bugs and tourists appear

With the first sign of frost

Their interest is lost

And quickly they’re all out of here.

I have a lot of painting and trim work to do to get the house ready.

It’s still May, it’s not even June

There’s so much that I should be doin’

To prepare for the day

When the guests come to stay

I ought to start panicking soon.

Another Candidate from Hope

What is it about Hope, Arkansas?

And next we have Governor Huckabee

A second time GOP wannabe

After six years on air

Is he balanced and fair

Or maybe a little bit huckstery?

He’s articulate, affable and has an interesting resume.

He’s a governor, he followed Bill,

A diabetes bogus cure shill

An evangelical pastor

A Fox News broadcaster

Who writes books when he’s got time to kill.

Socialist? Independent? Democrat?

Bernie Sanders seems to be the real thing, but that’s not politically popular these days.  His chances are slim, but he may still have an impact.

Bernie Sanders, a liberal Democrat

(A label with a dire caveat)

Knows that Liberal is out

As the pundits all shout,

They don’t see much future in that.

Will Bernie and Hillary fight?

His supporters hope that he might

At a minimum be able 

To get his views on the table

And slow down her drift to the right.

More GOP Candidates

It’s hard to keep up with the ever expanding “deep bench” of Republican hopefuls.  First Dr. Carson, by all accounts a brilliant neurosurgeon.  I hope he has more control over his scalpel than his tongue.

Doctor Carson, now just who is he?

A potential GOP nominee?

With Obama there

He described Obamacare

The worst idea since slavery.

Next, Carly Fiorina, who lead Hewlett Packard through massive layoffs and a 50% decline in stock value.  A grateful Board fired her and gave her a multi-million dollar going away present.

She gave thousands of workers the sack

But she claims the management knack

HP’s value declined

So she’s starting behind

At least thirty thousand votes back.

Congress and Science

The U.S. House  of Representatives voted to prohibit scientists from testifying on the content of articles they had published, because to do so would be a conflict of interest; they might try to promote their own reputation.  On the other hand, corporate executives would be able to testify on matters which might affect their industry, their profits , their livelihood and their wealth.

They maintain it's a conflict of interest
For scientists, who know science best
To come testify.
Is this Congress's try
For Home Videos, America's Funniest?

Their integrity used to be hailed
Their objectivity is now being assailed
"If we let them testify,
For their agenda, they'll lie"
So their rights to free speech are curtailed!

Meanwhile the Senate voted 50 to 49 that climate change is not caused by human activity.  Just imagine how science will change if Congress thinks that it can legislate science.

Science was once based on fact
But Congress wants in on the act
New laws can be drafted
And established ones crafted
To suit people by whom they are backed.

Will the Pope's Encyclical Cite Man's Role in Climate Change?

I'm not a Catholic, but I thought that the Pope is their authority on all things spiritual.  I thought Catholics speak to God through the Pope, and vice versa.

The Pope made Conservatives irate
By joining the Global Warming debate
Their position is odd
Doubting science and God
Giving neither authority much weight.

I never did understand infallibility.

The Pope they claim is misled
By what many scientists have said
They may call the encyclical
Misinformed Papal Bull
And substitute their own faith instead.

After 400 years Galileo's contributions to science were acknowledged.

The Church ignored science in history
Remember Galileo Galilei?
With the climate disaster
The Church caught on faster
While the Tea Party denies it completely.

Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio and ... Who's Next?

Marco Rubio now joined the fray
Once he was Jeb's protege
Will their friendship survive
A sustained campaign drive
Will they throw mud in each other's way?

He's the future, he's young and he's buff
He's Cuban, and fiscally tough
Will he get the nod?
Because behind that facade
Is the same old Tea Party stuff.

A Demographically Significant Candidate

To no one’s surprise Hillary Clinton has declared her candidacy.  She’s not Bill.

As Hillary has tried to make plain

She has a compassionate side to her brain

We’ve come to respect

Her drive and intellect

Will she listen, will she feel our pain?

Many Republicans despise her.

She has brains, experience and moxie

She’s been chased in the past by paparazzi

She has a long history

And irked the GOP

Who will hound her forever on Banghazi.

The president of the NRA says that white Christian Men are under attack from others, and she’s one of them.

The campaign may be brutal for Hillary

Republicans are eager to pillory

Her for her e mail

For being female

And more such offenses and villainy.

A Different Politician - Maybe

With only  9 months to go until the first primary, they’re off and running.

The next in the ring is Ron Paul

Who’s blunt and outspoken and all

Given his stances

What are his chances

Of surviving the primary Brawl?

He was Libertarian not long ago

His defense posture was starting to show

Comparing his stand 

To the GOP brand

Will he stand firm or go with the flow?

A Different Texas Politician

The Cuban, Irish-American, Canadian Texas Politician named Rafael ‘Ted’ Cruz has an interesting family history.

Cruz senior once worked for Castro

Then religion called him to follow.

Cruz junior’s a debater

A government berater

A follower of hubris and ego.

And some different ideas.

Climate change is “flat-earther’s” ruse

According to Senator Cruz

He’s Ivy League trained

But Tea Party brained

A brain is a sad thing to lose.

He’s memorized the US constitution

But says government’s a bad institution

His career has been spent

Working for government

Will a shut down be his contribution?

Deja Views

Remember how easily we would liberate and democratize Iraq, and how the oil revenue would pay for everything?   Well, last week one of those piece of cake war shills published an Op-Ed in the NY Times saying that our only option is to bomb Iran.  Now. 

The warmonger John Bolton is back

To say that we have to attack

Iran now.  No admission

Or sign of contrition

That he was dead wrong on Iraq.

If I had predicted that Harvard would win the NCAA basketball tournament last year, would the NY Times publish my prediction for this year?  and yet…

His prophecy on Iraq proved untrue

Should the Times waste ink on his view

And print his Op-Ed

Or should they instead

Give discredit where discredit is due?

 More On Upcoming HS Reunions

My friends help me to remember the good stuff and we usually don’t talk about how …

Most of my teen years were spent

Repressing my internal ferment

I was scheming and hoping

And grasping and groping

To find what was really important.

If you could go back, would you then remember what you didn’t know then, but you do know now?

Would I relive my adolescence again?

In reruns do different things happen?

Could I really expect 

To improve or correct

All the dumb moves that I made back then?

What do YOU Expect?

What first comes to your mind when you hear the word limerick?  Nantucket?  Smut? …?  Somehow the typical limerick goes something like this:

A young person from a rhyming locality

Has an attribute or sexual proclivity,

This rare feature leading

To behavior exceeding

The limits of real possibility.

Life, Limericks and the Pursuit of Happiness has been on the market for almost three years now, and I think sales just reached 20 or so, so maybe:

After years it’s time I admitted

I’m disappointed, dejected, discomfited 

My book sales are slow

So now I know

The demand for clean limericks is limited.

My March Madness

Equinox, where are you?

Outside it is 14 degrees

The wind is beating up trees

I googled “Spring”

The web says it’s coming

Can we trust the net’s expertise?

Summoning the optimism a person needs

Last weekend I planted some seeds

60 days on the sill

Only 2 months until

The frost in the soil concedes.

A Poetaster's Dream

I think it is unusual

For a contest to solicit doggerel

None of the entries, I would bet

Are from a future laureate

This time the judge is rootin’

For something far less high falutin.

Today's entry for doggerel in the poetry contest @ www.wordsmith.org/awad.

Send your entry to contest@wordsmith.org

There is Still Time

A Word A Day is running a poetry contest this week and there is still time to enter see:

www.wordsmith.org/awad

and send your entries to  contest@wordsmith.org by FRIDAY - Good Luck

So far this week you can enter (definitions provided on wordsmith) 

1) clerihew

2) epigram

3) cento

4) limerick

5) Friday's form to be determined

So here are my contributions so far:

Clerihew

Mark Twain, né Samuel Clemens

Of modest midwest origins

Transformed himself through wit

Into a Yankee from Connecticut

Epigram

An epigram should sound

Witty, yet be profound.

Cento

The time has come the walrus said

To speak of many things,       

I must go down to the seas again

I know why the caged bird sings

Only thing we have to fear is fear itself

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

Poems are made by fools I fear

Now and then there’s a fool such as I.

Lines 1 & 2:  The Walrus and the Carpenter, Lewis Carroll, 1872

Line 3: Sea Fever, John Masefield, 1913

Line 4: I Know Why the  Caged Bird Sings,  Maya Angelou, 1969

Line 5: Inaugural Address, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1933

Line 6: Blackbird, John Lennon and Paul McCartney, 1976

Line 7: Mad Magazine parody of: Trees, Joyce Kilmer, 1913

Line 8: (Now and Then There's) a Fool Such As I, Bill Trader, 1952

Limerick - from Life Limericks and the Pursuit of Happiness

My advice to poets who are shy

About revealing their soul’s anguished cry

Syntactical convolutions

And abstruse allusions

Can incomprehensibilify.

Science vs Politics

Scott Walker, governor of Wisconsin, was in England trying to burnish his image and refused to answer a question about his beliefs on evolution

Since Darwin makes Scott Walker leery

In England he sidestepped a query.

Does he have the will

To sponsor a bill

To repeal evolutionary “theory?”

Meanwhile, back in Wisconsin, he tried to eliminate searching for “the truth” from the University of Wisconsin’s mission statement.  After all...

He lives in the Land of the Free

Resists any threat of tyranny

Won’t be subject to whims

Of scientific theorems

That infringe upon his Liberty.

Hizzonor’s Dishonor

First he says Obama doesn’t love the United States…

He governs a land he disdains

Hizzonor Giuliani complains

He grew up abroad

So his thinking is odd

His love of country is something he feigns.

..because he “is not one of us.”

Giuliani makes thinly veiled slurs

They’re not racist he quickly assures

The comments aren’t racist

It’s not race he insists

But his upbringing to which he refers.

Class Reunions

Upcoming high school reunions have got me thinking.  If I could go back in time I wouldn’t pick the year I was 16.

It's reunion year for my class

Fifty years through rose colored glass

Details are obscure

But I'm pretty sure

Back then I was really an ass.

We all remember things differently, what really happened, what were we really like?  Who you gonna trust?

Jus what was I like long ago?

Memories morph and they grow

For accuracy

Should I trust me

Or is it my friends who would know?

Congress is Off This Week - Well, They’re Off

Israel has an election next month, which we would never try to influence, and it’s usually the President who invites heads of state.

By inviting Netanyahu to town 

John Boehner is breaking new ground

Protocol violated

Prerogative inflated

In his effort to put Barack down.

There is no other reason to do this except that it feels good.

In the House, Republicans hold sway

And vote to kill Obamacare Today!

He’ll veto the measure

So it’s just for their pleasure

Are they playing Fifty Shades of Nay?

Is This Offensive 2 U?

Twitter, e mail, and thumbtyping wreak havoc with grammar and spelling.  Sometimes it really bothers me.

The way people write and they talk

Screeches like blackboard and chalk.

If they’re understood

Does that mean it’s good,

Despite the aural assault?

Yet, I am happy it’s a living language, and sometimes it’s POW.

English has long been in ferment

As writers bend rules and invent

It’s colorful making

It’s grammar rule breaking

And Shakespeare was preeminent.

Snow School Today

I’ve been shoveling since I got out of bed

The snow banks are over my head

As all children know

To enjoy the snow

Stop shoveling and jump on a sled!

Super Bowl Sunday

All the inflated rhetoric and egos were upstaged by allegedly underinflated footballs.

A playoff is a high pressure game

All teams feel their passions inflame

As game pressure mounts

Every little bit counts,

But the footballs do not feel the same.

Once again PBS takes on the NFL.

For more than six hours on the air

The best teams in football are there

It’s two teams against

Lord Grantham and servants,

I Say! It scarcely seems fair.

 Yogi Berra is the Only Philosopher I Understand 

Philosophe -pronounced FEE low soff - french for philosopher.  Educated people used to put the crude words in Latin.

Philosophy impresses most people

But my interest in it is feeble

It’s deep sounding stuff

And some’s bad enough

That I’d call it philosophe fecal.

Perhaps the reason I canned

And dismissed with a wave of my hand -

Is it makes me feel smart

To tear philosophy apart

And to mock what I don’t understand.

John Boehner Walks into a Bar

The bartender at his Country Club in Ohio got fired and blames the House Speaker.  Michael Hoyt has since been indicted for plotting to murder Boehner by poisoning his drink.

Michael Hoyt, the club barkeep got canned, 

He served Boehner his wine on demand

Then the car radio

Let Michael know

That Boehner should die by his hand.

Will you have your usual or something else, Sir?

John Boehner is scared, you can tell,

His worry is hard to dispel,

The threat is widespread

Because as he said

Obama has poisoned the well.

Doggie Bags Ain’t What They Used to Be

We just returned from a city where well dressed civilized people gather in the park to chat and clean up after their dogs.

In the morning dog owners are found

In the park, just standing around

With a full coffee cup

And a bag to pick up

What their dogs have just dropped on the ground.

In the evening again you may find

That they're back in the park to unwind

Drinking wine from a glass

While watching the grass

To pick up what their dogs leave behind.

The 114th Congress

Republicans now have a majority in both the Senate and the House.  John Boehner and Mitch McConnell were both reelected as the party leaders, and promised to get more done than the 113th, which doesn’t set a very high bar. 

Republicans predict progress this session.

Their majority raises the question,

After six years

Can Boehner switch gears

From a froward to forward direction?

Yes,  froward - adj. difficult to deal with, contrary.  Except when I’ve used it, I’ve only seen the word once, on a vocabulary test.

After six years of obstructiveness

Can Mitch repress contrariness?

He’s been trying to send a 

New message - new agenda;

Teaching his party to say YES.

One Year Anniversary

I started this blog a year ago yesterday, so we'll see what 2015 brings.  No promises, no predictions.

After a year is it time for review?
What is it that I'm trying to do?
I hope to find humor
With insights or views or
Opinions with a twist or askew.

I've tried to avoid all pretensions
While posting some good ones and bad ones
I know I've been lax
About grammar and syntax
And meter, forced rhymes and bad puns.